<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>It's too much to ask... by madam_spooky</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25777264">It's too much to ask...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/madam_spooky/pseuds/madam_spooky'>madam_spooky</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Awkward Cullen Rutherford, Caring, Cullen Rutherford Fluff, Cullen Rutherford Has Issues, Cullen Rutherford Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Humor, Mage Trevelyan (Dragon Age), Protective Cullen Rutherford, Relationship(s), Sweet Cullen Rutherford</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:36:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,472</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25777264</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/madam_spooky/pseuds/madam_spooky</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>If anyone knows the Cullen romance  by heart already I invite you to read my loosely history-based story of building a relationship gaining trust and ... I wouldn't want to say "a lot" but there's quite some sexual tension mixed with romantic vanilla love that leads to the great climax. There will be action I swear xD But isn't all the anticipation exciting? The way they try to convince themselves they can't be together... Phew, won't happen in my story lol x'D please be patient ❤️ it's worth it ☺️</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cullen Rutherford/Female Trevelyan, Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>It's too much to ask...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Work in progress, I have about 20 pages so far but will update slowly so I can check everything is as well structured and as correct as I am able to make it.<br/>If you have any complaints about mistakes (interpunction, grammar, plot) please inform me :)<br/></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Getting up from his bed Cullen was still lost in his thoughts. Thinking while being half asleep is not something productive. Things seem then so unreal. He shook off and went to dress up. Lazily putting on his garments and armour he was unaware of being watched.</p><p>Cullen’s chamber was situated in one of Skyhold’s towers. The castle was quite old and due to that some of the walls or roofs might have seemed a little bit “see-through” because of all the holes. The Commander of Inquisition’s forces didn’t mind those achitectional imperfections. He thought that the tower is high enough to feel safe from unwanted sneak peeks and he kind of enjoyed the fresh air. </p><p>The only problem would have been the rain that would probably fall into his bedroom through the hole in the rooftop. However, it barely ever rained there Cullen has nailed few planks here and there just in case.</p><p>Today was another of those days when he had a lot of work to do. Training the troops with Bull, answering the letters, writing a summary of his last mission the Inquisitor commissioned to him at the war council … </p><p>Cullen sighed and quickly paced to the tavern as his stomach couldn’t rumble louder.</p><p>He was walking down the stairs, lost in thoughts again, planning his day out. Suddenly a sharp pain pierced his forehead. He misstepped on the next step, slipped and swung in the air, falling at the person who was walking in front of him banging his head on the stone stairs during the process.</p><p>‘Oh, I’m so sorry!’ he heard as soon as his head stopped buzzing and sight came back from the blur.</p><p>Still holding his head with his hand he mumbled that ‘It’s fine..’ and tried to continue walking downstairs but his body rebelled against his dizzy head and he collapsed within the next step.</p><p>The next thing he remembered was that he is in his chambers again laying on the bed with no armour he remembered to put on in the morning. It’s late evening, he is starving and the pounding headache prevents him from getting up. </p><p>‘Oh, you’re awake!’ someone exclaimed with joy and a hint of guilt in the voice. ‘I’m sorry… how are you feeling ?’ </p><p>Cullen couldn’t open his eyes, his eyelids needed the energy he didn’t have. All he was able to say was ‘Mmmnph …’ and at that moment it started raining. Cold raindrops started to fall on the covers of Cullen’s bed and the loud sound of rain prevented him from falling asleep. A gasp could be heard and someone mumbled something. For some weird reason, Cullen found that voice familiar and pleasant. Although he had no idea what was said it put him at ease and he could again peacefully doze off into sleep.</p><p>Cathleen was feeling terrible. The guilt of accidentally knocking down the Commander of her troops was a total disaster. How are they even going to deal with Corypheus? Will she just accidentally poke him in the eye during the fight?  </p><p>The least she could do was to take care of him. It was all so silly. Her guilt was eating her alive. Besides, she didn’t want to stay in his company for too long. She felt weird. All the butterflies in her stomach were telling her that she might just have a tiny tiny crush on the Commander. She felt like it wasn’t right. He seems to be perfect in every way imaginable. Wise, correct, handsome, fit… but still, they should stay professional. So many things depend on them. It would be unwise to get distracted.</p><p>Cathleen did what she thought would be the best and most suitable option. The official version of the accident was that the Commander fell down due to being overworked. Which was believable to everyone who knows him. As one of the most powerful mages in Skyhold, she was bound to help him recover. It’s one of Inquisitor’s duties to take care of her people. That was it-the only reason.</p><p>Cathleen used her magic to transport the Commander back to his chambers. Everything happened quickly and she used a cloaking spell right away. No one saw anything. At the chambers, she discovered that this part of the castle was still a ruin. It was one of Commander’s duties to take care of the renovation of the castle. It seemed like if he left this place to be the last on the list. She looked at him and bit her lip. He was still unconscious. As he was sleeping she decided to look around. It was the first time she ever was in Commander’s chamber. Cathleen knew it was wrong but the urge of knowing him better, even though against what she was thinking about the whole situation, was way stronger. </p><p>On his desk, there were many letters, books about strategy and templar training. She also found a few notebooks that seemed to be some kind of dairies. That made her think he must be… self-reflective and sentimental. It was tempting to sneak a peek into those. What could help to get to know him better than his thoughts on paper? She was hesitating to open the first one when raindrops started to heavily fall from the sky. The floor was getting wet.</p><p>Cathleen quickly climbed the ladder just to discover that the bedroom was even more prone to the weather. But what caught her attention more than the rain was that Cullen seemed to be awake.</p><p>“Oh, you’re awake!” she gasped “I’m so sorry…”</p><p>Cullen barely made a sound. The guilt was consuming her alive. Cathleen quickly put a spell on the roof, so it didn’t rain inside. It was only temporary but would work for now. She wanted to do everything she could to make up for what has happened at this point. </p><p>Then suddenly, a knock on the door could be heard. Cathleen shook off the thoughts and went to greet the visitor. </p><p>“Good Day Inquisitor, I have news for the Commander…” asked Jim, surprised to see a different face.</p><p>“Commander Cullen is unavailable right now… but I can pass the message.”</p><p>“I’ll leave it at his desk then” He did as he said and left in the best moment possible, just seconds before Cullen started to mumble something again. </p><p>“The report… trebuchets… cali...rate...bushes…”</p><p>She looked at him, he must have heard the man who left the report and recognised his voice and associated it with work. Does he ever rest? Well, now he certainly has no choice…</p><p>Cathleen checked if he has a fever. Thankfully that wasn’t the case, but the bump on his forehead definitely needed to be taken care of. She scanned him for more injuries to discover two broken ribs. She cursed. A commander of the troops that can’t command nor even fight for himself was exactly what she and what the whole Inquisition needed right now. There was one solution that seemed quite tempting but she wasn’t sure if it was… proper as Cullen being conscious would probably have something against it.</p><p>Everyone knew he didn’t enjoy seeing magic in use. Some Templars might be prejudiced towards mages due to their training and experiences. And if the rumours about the Commander were true he had even more reasons than others to actually dislike mages. </p><p>A loud snore interrupted her thoughts. She beamed. He was sleeping peacefully. </p><p>Just in case he woke up she didn’t want to leave his quarters. To let the time pass by quickly she decided to have a look around.</p><p>The best option was to simply wait until he wakes up and ask him what option he prefers. The most tempting thing for her, to see, were the bookshelves and the dairies she noticed earlier. She opened one just to see a few letters fall out of it on the floor. Some seemed new others were old, definitely read many times. She gasped and began collecting them, but curiosity made her read a few words…  maybe sentences...</p><p>
  <a href="https://dragonage.fandom.com/wiki/Codex_entry:_Cullen"> <em> "Dear Mia, I'm still alive. Your loving brother, Cullen" </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://dragonage.fandom.com/wiki/Codex_entry:_Cullen"> <em> Honestly, is it so difficult? We thought you were dead. Again. If the Inquisition was not on everyone's lips, we would never have heard that their fine commander survived Haven. </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://dragonage.fandom.com/wiki/Codex_entry:_Cullen"> <em> We've been hearing strange things about the templars lately. I am not sorry you left them. I thought your resignation was implied when you joined the Inquisition, but you meant something more, didn't you? </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://dragonage.fandom.com/wiki/Codex_entry:_Cullen"> <em> It's a fool's errand asking you to stay safe, but please try. </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://dragonage.fandom.com/wiki/Codex_entry:_Cullen"> <em> Your loving sister, (see how easy this is?) </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://dragonage.fandom.com/wiki/Codex_entry:_Cullen"> <em> Mia </em> </a>
</p><p>She smiled. He did mention he had family in Ferelden but never said anything about his sister so far. She definitely wished he would write to her more often. It was easy to deduce Mia cares for him a great deal. That reminded Cathleen that they both didn't have anything to eat today. Their attempt at having breakfast was crushed by the accident on the stairs. Having put away all the letters in their place she decided to go to the tavern and get some food for both of them. Before she left she checked on him but it didn’t look like if he was to wake up very soon. She was sure that when he finally wakes up he will be really hungry. </p><p>When she was back with food and came into the room focused not to drop anything she was shocked to see him trying to stand, panting heavily. Wearing his breeches only he was confused and dazed.</p><p>“Oh, Andraste, you shouldn’t be walking right now!” she looked at him with horror and quickly threw away the packages of food she was holding just to instantly help him with whatever he was planning to do.</p><p>“I heard… Jim... I thought… something important..” he said but was visible that he’s just lost a lot of energy to do that.</p><p>“How did you even go down the ladder?!” she exclaimed astonished, not listening to a single word he said. “Sit down here,” she took the chair he usually sits on when working and brought it closer to him. “Try not to move, please… see those bandages? You have two broken ribs and a huge bump on your forehead, do you understand ?”</p><p>“I… yes… how?”</p><p>“... you feel from the stairs …” she said at what he made a face leaving her unsure if that was a reaction to the whole situation or the pain he was in.</p><p>“I.. don’t remember… hurts ugh…” </p><p>“Oh yeah… broken ribs do hurt, particularly if you decide to use a ladder after you’ve just had an accident…” she explained energetically, half scolding him with her shocked face.</p><p>He just looked at her in pain and the guilt kicked in again. She cleaned the desk and set it to put food there. Cathleen gasped at seeing he is shaking and has goosebumps. It was a castle hid amongst mountains and in addition in was already evening. No wonder he was cold. She took a blanket from his bed and wrapped it tightly around him. His stomach rumbled at the sight of food. He tried to reach out but hissed in pain at what she said “Don’t worry” and she smiled reassuringly at him passing him the food, spoon-feeding him. </p><p>At first, he was too proud and acted childishly, but when he realised that he can’t do it himself he blushed and agreed to receive the offered help. Cathleen was calm, made no comments about it and fed him until he nodded he wasn’t hungry anymore and it put him at ease. </p><p>He must have wondered why it was the Inquisitor herself taking care of him, not just some nurse from the castle.</p><p>Cathleen had no idea what to do about this hard question. Truth be told she was mostly driven by guilt. Cullen seemed like he remembered nothing, so she didn’t really have to tell him why she feels like if it was her duty to help cure him now. She just decided to wait for when and if he ever asks that question.</p><p>After the meal, he was starting to get sleepy again, so before he falls asleep again Cathleen decided to pop in the question.</p><p>“Commander, I have to ask you about something, please try to listen.” she said and waited until he nodded “ Your ribs are broken and the pounding in your head is an effect of a bump. I could heal you with magic…” she said in one breath and looked at him worried “ But I need your consent,” she added.</p><p>“Heal me...” she heard his weak voice after a short pause.</p><p>The pain was unbearable. Cullen barely could hold himself in the chair. Rocking dangerously from side to side he only kept hurting himself. He was unable to maintain one position and stressed out that just taking a quick look at her made him so miserable and vulnerable. He had to be able to manage the troops, there was no one to take his duties, he had to be ready to fight… to defend the people…</p><p>He wondered why was the Inquisitor herself here, wanting to heal him. Maybe he was just a difficult case or they needed a mage to put their Commander back into one piece quickly. His to-do list was far too long to wait until his ribs healed and he had too many recruits waiting for training. Most of them don’t even know which side of the blade to grasp and here he sits dizzy, confused unable to feed himself because of pain.</p><p>“Heal me…” he said with faltering voice and looked at her with silent plead. That’s when he noticed it. Her eyes sparkled with power and that was when he felt fear. He suddenly felt uneasy, his memories crawling back into his mind. He did trust the Inquisitor, but the idea of using magic, especially on him, still made him anxious and filled him with fear.</p><p>He started to uncontrollably shake, sweat on his forehead. Cullen felt as if he was back in the Circle. Immobilised, in pain and in fear… he closed his eyes and wanted to fight this feeling as he had fought it many times before but without lyrium, it was getting harder and harder every time. He let out a quiet groan still shaking. Then something happened, something he would have never expected nor dare to think of. He felt warmth around his shoulders and against one cheek. Focusing on that he managed to control himself again after some time. The hold was firm but delicate enough so it didn’t hurt. What Cathleen did was … unexpected but it has certainly worked and he was grateful for that.</p><p>A still and peaceful female voice was ringing in his ear although he couldn’t make a word out of it. Suddenly he was calm. Slight ringing in his ears was compensated by silk smooth hug and gradual alleviation of pain in his head. </p><p>“I am sorry…” he said when she’s finished. </p><p>“What for?”</p><p>“My unusual reaction I guess…” he chuckled and glanced at her, smiling.</p><p>“Don’t worry about that” she smiled back “It’s magic, people react in many different ways… How is your head?</p><p>“It’s...good. Doesn’t hurt anymore” he noticed and she beamed reassuringly in response.</p><p>He knew that for her it’s only natural, and that magic is nothing but a daily way of living but he viewed it more like a danger. If she would only want to hurt him right now, she’s had more than plenty of occasions. Also, no one would hear him if he was screaming for help. That thought made him anxious again, he found it harder to breathe and started sweating again.</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t worry… I won’t hurt you… what can I do to make you feel better ?” she asked preoccupied, holding him delicately. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… let’s just get over with it…” he said frustrated. She nodded and explained “You can’t he stressed during the process. You have to be still, otherwise something might go wrong. Bones are harder to heal than bumps and bruises…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you just…” Cullen started but was ashamed to finish. As if he didn’t ask enough of her already. But for Cathleen he didn’t have to finish. When she noticed his reaction she wrapped her arms around him instinctively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will hold you like this… before it was because you were unstable on the chair, now I just need you to hold still, okay?” she explained so he doesn’t have to feel bad about anything. She didn’t want to embarass him nor make him feel weak… she wanted what was the best for Cullen, he deserved it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Following her words Cathleen put her arms around the Commander covering his bare chest tighter with the blanket. He gasped a little from pain but put his hand on her palm to indicate how strong she might hold him and nodded when he was ready.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She quietly started the incantation. This time it was way more time consuming and difficult for both of them. The process was faster than the traditional method of just waiting for bones to heal but for a spell it was both slow and quite painful.She knew that if she did it faster it would hurt more. Cullen didn’t want to let is show that he feels any pain but after some time he became exhausted. He started shaking and profusely sweating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cathleen didn’t want to risk nor force anything so she stopped the spell. She soothed him and wiped his forehead with a handkerchief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, you’re doing great. We’re halfway through.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A weak smile showed on his face and after few minutes they started again. This time he didn’t shake or shiver at all. At least that’s what she later told him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she finished he wasn’t dizzy anymore, his head stopped pounding and breathing was no longer a struggle. It felt like waking up after a rough day, only he didn’t wake up but his bones have magically healed and he felt great physically. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cathleen was still holding him, afraid to let go, not sure if everything had gone as planned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Inquisitor…?” he asked and moved to look her in the eye. She quickly let go of him and sent him a nervous smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is everything alright?” she asked worried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yes it’s great, I… thank you...Inquisitor” he said softly looking at her but his smile faded and he averted his gaze. He thought how shocking it much have been for her to see him in such state and was afraid to wonder what she might think of him after the incident. Distracted, clumsy, coward, probably crazy and let’s not forget being an addict - perfect fit for a Commander of organisation trying to save the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked away full of self hatred and shame. “I’m sorry for everything..” he said and blushed severely, he tried to chuckle but suddenly his voice was hoarse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope that this whole situation can stay between the two of us…” he said and she was glad to hear that. “Of course” she ensured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I once again am sorry for the problem and grateful for your professional help, Inquisitor.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… am glad I could help. I’ll check on you tomorrow evening, after supper.” she said “And please, call me Cathleen” she added as she was exiting his chamber. Not waiting for an answer she closed the door and headed towards her headquarters. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I.. don’t think…” he stopped in thought “I’ll try.” he said with soft and dreamy voice at the closed door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cathleen was overloaded with emotions. She entered the tavern for a beer. Bull was there drinking with his men, but she avoided them and hid in the shadows in the darkest corner she could find. Thinking about all that’s happened she didn’t even notice Cole appearing right next to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew you were close, your thoughts are loud.” he said and she gasped startled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cole.. I didn’t see you, what are you doing here ?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I came because your thoughts are so loud. Both of you...” he said and put his head down to continue “My fault, but I made up for it, he’s fine now, his warmth, eyes glimmering, in need of-” Cathleen choked on her beer “Stop Cole!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But he thinks too. Safe and solid, protecting and proud. He feels like quiet when you hold him…” At his words Cathleen covered her face with her palms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought it would make you happy…” he added as she was fighting with emotional eruption in her head. She wished so much for Cole to disappear right now and when she gathered the words to put that into a polite request he was already gone.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>